dream high;

♥ Monday, June 30, 2008

HAYDEN IS IRRITATING TOO

See I so nice
Dedicate one post to the both of them
=P

♥words from deep within

♥ Sunday, June 29, 2008

JEREMY IS IRRITATING :P

♥words from deep within

♥

Ain't the right time for me to be blogging
For in ten hours
It is chem paper 1 and 2
BUT
What is the right time anyway?
I wonder how our life is dictated for us
Is it that our every move is being constantly scrutinized by someone up there?
And then we are guided back to doing what's right?
But how do you know what's right anyway?
Everything is so subjective

Sometimes I wonder how death feels like
How it feels to be away from flesh and blood
A dissipated soul
No emotions
No friends
No work
Nothing to do
No nerves
Just EMPTINESS!
Like
Imagine lying in a coffin
Or okay maybe in ashes in a urn
For the rest of your life!
Being apart from this world forever!
Scary huh
I'm not scared about how I die or if I die
I'm scared of not being able to do anything!
=x
Like
Being a boulder
Just sitting there
Incapable of doing anything else
Sighhh

And at other times
I just feel that its so meaningless
Life has no colours to it
There's only a limit to what you can do to liven it up
And just so
Worthless...
I feel like trash
Just wasting away in the world
And not only that
Giving off a foul smell as well
Such that marginal social cost will be higher than private cost
Mandy is a demerit good.

♥words from deep within

♥ Thursday, June 26, 2008

I conquered bio!
Its going DOWNNN
Hahaha
Finally the stupid paper is over
Its so draining
Probably the worst subject to study ever
I feel like I just vomited an entire pond of water
And I'm at episode TWENTYYY of twssg!
Finally
Hahahah
Sujini is so cute!
And Dam Duk's character is nice but too bad they didn't pick a cuter actor =x
Haha!
Plus there's this gigantic humongous communication barrier between mum and I
Its so obvious when we watch dramas

Mom: (in cantonese) "What happened? What they doing? Who's that?"
Me: "Aiyah, they fighting! The Baekje army is coming back from the East!"
"Then the conquered fortresses are afraid cos the king's army is going back to Gooknae castle!"
"And not protecting them anymore!"
Mom: (canto) "HUH?!!? I don't get it!"
Me: (in BROKEN canto) "Err, Bak..kei, the people! East! King go home!"
"That...that, ten city...scared scolded!"
Mom: "WHAT?"
Me: (imitates army fighting actions and waves arms in castle shapes)
Mom: (canto) "Why must they be scared? Their army?"
Me: (completely exasperated) "I DUNNO LAH! Just watch!"

Utterly incomprehensible
Hahah
Everytime I talk to my mum its in cantonese
But that's the limit
I can't explain complicated fictional korean dramas!
My poor cantonese standard is of a four year old
From when I left
The disadvantage of growing up in Singapore
What good is english and chinese when your own parents
Cannot understand what you're saying?
=/
Ah well
I shall stick to my
"Hurr, mummy, I hungry"
The baby kind of cantonese vocabulary...
Oh man, I miss my childhood
What happened to the DIGIMON plan?
XD

♥words from deep within

♥ Sunday, June 22, 2008

Bugger
Exams tomorrow
I feel weird
Kind of in a heck care mood
Hahaha
I even feel like watching my tae wang sa shin gi
Which I will later =x
Ah nevermind
After BTs there'll be time to study again
And again
On a neverending vicious cycle of torment
I wanna go on a beach holiday soon
I don't care
After A levels
I'm gonna work my ass off
Save up
And go somewhere on a great holiday
Korea or Japan with my parents
And maybe Hongkong with them too cos I miss my relatives
Then with friends!
So many groups
I'm gonna die travelling
So first
I need to WORK WORK WORK
50 over bucks a day
Times about two weeks
700? AIYAH take budget airlines la =x
Then come back and pay off my loans
I can't wait
For ALL THIS to end
Like seriously
End now!

♥words from deep within

♥ Friday, June 20, 2008

Fascinating
I can't even view my own blog
It doesn't load
Everything else works fine
Youtube, google, other people's blogs
Gah
MUST BE THE PAP POST
=x
Hahaha
Okay I'm just saying that to make myself feel better

Here's mandy's report of her lifeguard experience!
Nobody wants to know =/
Oh well
But it was rather traumatising
The other lifeguards had these cool red whistles
That when you blow on it
Piercing sounds come out
No matter how far away you are you'll immediately look around
And raise your arms in defeat
Its THAT cool
Then cause I don't have one
Because I'm part time
I brought my own whistle from camp
And I didn't dare use it cos it looks seriously retarded!
So I resigned myself to shouting like a madwoman at kids
Which isn't really the right thing to do
I think I made many enemies out of parents
The other lifeguards are much older and wiser
They scold children like "Boy ah, don't run okay?"
Me =x "EH! BOY! STOP RUNNING!"
But I can't help it
I don't have an "aura" of authority about me
So if I speak like them they'll probably laugh at me and scuttle off
Besides I don't exactly have a loud voice either
Haha
So I think I look ridiculous
One auntie came up to chat with me
She was like "Girl, so young already be lifeguard, you got interest ah?"
Then I was like "Err, not really?"
HAHA
Besides I just wanted to try ONE shift
I think I humiliated myself totally though
Plus it was quite boring
If I didn't have people to talk to
They're really cool though
One of them saved a woman who was struggling in the water
Too bad I wasn't there to watch
Baby pool is stressful but you won't get to save people much
=x
Not as if I want to test my ability
I think I'll die of fright first
But I suppose its okay for a day job...
As long as people TALK to me or I'll go crazy

I think people must've fallen asleep by now
-hums-
I'm rather afraid for BT2
But its the most I've ever studied
I think I've studied like twice as hard as promos or even more
Nothing comes close
So I feel much better about taking the paper
Not so unprepared
BUT I'm terrified I'll forget everything
Especially what I studied weeks ago
):
Forget it
I shall just look ahead
Like master wugui says ...
The past is history, the future is mystery
And the present, is a GIFT
Appreciate the present (:
I have to stop quoting kungfu panda
I feel so childish all over again

I'm having severe insomnia these few days
Its terrible
Can't sleep until about 4 onwards
9 one day...
I don't know why
Or maybe I do
But I can't stop thinking about it
It just haunts me day and night
Whywhywhy
So many questions but no answers
I can't face up to myself...
I don't belong in this world
I belong beneath it
In the depths of fire, ruins and pain
Where it drives you to insanity
The flames taunting, licking, against my soul
Terror surges
But nothing can calm it
No one really knows
How deep it cuts.

♥words from deep within

♥ Tuesday, June 17, 2008

This is Stephy's life for the next week

Fun in the sun

And this is Pau, Steph, Vinnie and Mandy's life

Boredom in abundance

Which would you rather have?

Ahhh we'll miss you Stephy!

Come back soon!

With souvenirs!

Hahah

I love souvenirs!

Makes you feel as if you've travelled the world with people who have

Even though you're actually stuck on this island

Anyway

Its the last week before BTs!

Everybody buck up!

And simply do your best! (:

Don't need to try too hard

You'll have plenty of time to study AGAIN

For Prelims and A levels

Take some time to relax

And just keep swimming, just keep swimming

Just keep studying I mean :/

Because its what we're made to do

Its our only responsibility at the moment

Our only job

If only we get paid for the amount of work we put in

We children will run the economy!

Churn out big bucks!

But unfortunately we're simply

STUD(y)ENTS...

~~~

Oh whywhywhy... WHY DO THIS TO ME...

♥words from deep within

♥

whywhywhy?
):
SIGH

♥words from deep within

♥ Sunday, June 15, 2008

I keep forgetting to blog
Even though I want to
Haha
Oopsss
I shall blog about my first lifeguarding experience soon!
XD
Nothing interesting
But then it was a nice learning experience!

Just a random post
MANDY's wishlist!
1) Tae wang sa shin gi (to be able to watch...no TIME)
2) A pair of rollerblades
3) New bag
4) Enough motivation to study sufficiently/ Just give me BRAINS
5) ABSSS (stupid wish if I just get up and go down and run x_x)
6) Super Junior and DBSK songs!
7) Royce milk chocolate =x
8) $$$ ... Alot of it (in serious debt)
9) Yakult!
10) Blue hair dye (for fun! XD)
11) Seafood platter from fish and co
12) Curry udon!
*Why do I ALWAYS have food cravings on my wishlist? =x

That's about all
Hahaha
Maybe its all these random thoughts that's giving me insomnia
I didn't sleep the WHOLE night
GOSH
I hope I do tonight
But I"m not feeling sleepy
Sooooo screwed.
11) SLEEEEEP! Like give me a NORMAL SLEEPING PATTERN!

♥words from deep within

♥ Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Everyday I Pray to help me through the day
to make myself stronger...and I Pray
그 오랜 꿈들이 조금씩 다가와
눈앞에 펼쳐지는 지금
난 눈을 감고서 가슴 속으로 전해 오는
누군가의 기돌 듣고 있어
수많은 별들과 약속했던 모든 꿈들은
언젠간 이뤄진다고 믿어
땀과, 이 눈물과 소중한 사랑만 있다면
우린 무엇이든 해낼 수 있어

Once in a lifetime
Fly to the star
별들이 너의 꿈을 지켜 줄 거야
Once in your lifetime 우리 그 날 위해
영원히 함께 만들어 가야 할
Love for your dreams

Yo! 슬프고 힘든 날들을 다 지나도록 해 OK
Open up your eyes to the sky
then you can find the way for then better days
이제 우리 세상을 모두 같이 다 함께 할 수 있게
힘들면 쉬어가도 OK, yo 잠깐 Take a second
그 오랜 꿈,
수많은 Star I know that you can take it
함께라면 좀 더 날 거야 네꿈들은 passion,
It's all yours. There's no question

수많은 아픔을 견뎌냈던 모든 꿈들은
언젠간 돌아온다고 믿어
땀과, 이 열정과 소중한 사랑만 있다면
우린 무엇이든 될 거야

Once in a lifetime
Fly to the star
별들이 너의 꿈을 지켜 줄 거야
Once in your lifetime우리 그 날 위해
영원히 함께 만들어 가야 할
Love for your dreams

때론 삶에 지쳐 울지만(No, baby no more cry)
너의 힘이돼 줄게
(I'll pray for you and me tonight)
너를 닮은 별을 볼 수 있다면
나의 사랑도 말 할 거야

Once in a lifetime
Fly to the star
별들이 너의 꿈을 지켜 줄 거야(지켜 줄 거야)
Once in your lifetime 우리 그 날 위해
영원히 함께 만들어 갈Everything for your dreams

Once in a lifetime
Fly to the star
(Fly to the star)
영원히 너의 꿈을 기억할거야(기억할거야)
Once in your lifetime 우리 그 날 위해
영원히 함께 만들어 가야할
Love for your dreams

Once in a Lifetime by Shinhwa! (:

Pretty pretty song
I need to keep on hoping
That one day all this muggin will pay off
I'll earn big bucks
Not because money makes me happy
But then it'll let me fulfil my dreams
Of travelling the world
WHEEEEEE

♥words from deep within

♥

My mum is addicted to watching taiwan news...
How boring
The parties are always fighting against each other
Lots of vulgarities and putting down others as well
I'm so bored

Sososo bored...
Someone add some spark in my life...
The past few days have been pretty eventful though (:
If you take out the hours of studying
GAH
Boring studying...
Kill me...

♥words from deep within

♥ Monday, June 9, 2008

If the government finds my blog or something
I think I'm going to be prosecuted
BUT
I HATE SINGAPORE
Jeez
I bet there's the same amount of resentment in every educated individual out there
Academics have warped our idea of importance
How is a pathetic piece of paper more important than lives?
Looking back to J1
How much my group has sacrificed for project work
Especially in yingling's case
Are there regrets?
Of course
Why do we have to put studying before everything!
Our own happiness, enjoyment
Why can't we even consider a week long holiday in June
Because we have to mug our guts out for A levels in 5 months?
5 months
It seems like a very long period of time
But ask any student out there
And they'll tell you its so little its PRESSURIZING
Indeed
To meet up to their own expectations
Their parents' expectations
Even the government's expectations
What has PAP done to us?
Given us the MOE
A system of education which is a paper chase
For who attains the most credentials will be deemed skilled and intelligent
How much of this is useful anyway
And what everyone is after in this world
So materialistic, so meaningless
Money, power, fame
Not because it ACTUALLY makes them happy
But just to try to beat the competition
For being at the top of their game is what makes humans happy
Why can't everyone be satisfied with themselves?
People say that woah, thomas edison is so smart
Woah some other scientist made such a great invention
But if our forefathers could do without it
So can we
Imagine if he didn't invent the lightbulb
Where would we be now?
Everyone will be so appalled at the thought of having no illumination right
BUT just light a fire and it'll all be fine!
Okay I make it sound easy
Maybe it isn't
Maybe we get so frustrated creating a spark with rocks
But once it is done
That sense of satisfaction should be enough to keep us happy
What has the world come to?
Just a vicious cycle of longing for more and more
Stretching, grabbing, clutching at nothing...
The education system which is cited for being one of the best in the world
Is in fact
The one that is harming our society
Besides, the government is more authoritative than democratic
When blogs publish views criticising the government
Or just giving their own opinions on controversial issues
Nobody is there to actually listen
Perhaps a fair trial is given
But it always ends up in jail
Or probation for the accused
So is this what it all comes to?
That even a lowly citizen's opinions will not ever be heard?
When parties rise against the ruling one
They are all coldly put down and shamed in the GOVERNMENT CONTROLLED newspaper?
Maybe even America is not democratic
But at least elections actually spread out equally
And no candidate will put down the other party with unfair accusations
Take a leaf out of their book would you

Okay that rambling was totally random
I don't know where it came from
I'm so tired
And fed up
I don't know why but I feel completely useless
And my brain just feels saturated again
How do you expect us to remember all these!
):
We're just kids
Kids trying to have a good holiday
And yet we're supposed to devote the whole time to studying
I wanna visit my grandparents ):
I miss hongkong
Sososososo much
They have school stress too
But the environment is more fun, more havoc
Everybody is united in joy and laughter
There's good food, lots of shopping
Everything I could ever dreamed of
I miss my relatives
Related by blood
The people who will protect me for eternity
Just because
And then this stupid exams all had to come
I so wanted to go back this holiday
BUT because of studies
I can't ):
See how we have to adjust our priorities
According to society's expectations, against our wishes?
How does doing well make me happy?
Even if I top the school, or the nation
I KNOW deep inside
I will never be as happy as if I could spend just one day
Lying in grandma's arms
Listening to her tell stories and offer to take me to buy my favourite toys
Holding my hand
Taking me to parks and playgrounds
And laughing and playing with me
I miss home
Where I truly belong.

♥words from deep within

♥ Sunday, June 8, 2008

That weight loss plan kind of failed completely

HEH

But this is mandy you're talking about

What do you expect man

I killed it the next day with a mac's lunch

And even more so today

Korean BBQ and ginseng chicken at Crystal Jade

DIE ahhh

Hahahaha

I ate so much bbqed meat and rice and all the rubbish

Bet I grew fatter again

Oh well

I had a great time yesterday at pau's!

Our SMVS late birthday celebration for her

Haha

Belated I mean

But the look on her face when she came out of the cc study room

And stephy frantically lighting the candle on the cake

Was priceless

Hahahaha

Went to DDR at her house

After making her pick which bottle of random places to go to

Abandoned our wild wild wet plan because of the weather

Oh vinnie and I travelled half the world to TAMPINES because of pau

=) such nice people aren't we!

Then went to cycle at pasir ris park!

Stopped to play on the ropes and stuff

Then dinner at Streets Cafe

Bought pau's second bottle of alcohol after her 18th birthday!

And RUFFLES

Then to stephy's aunt's to like just talk and relax and all

It was such fun

Hahah, just being in each other's company and not bothering about studies

Too bad steph dear had to leave halfway ):

Well, hope pau had a great surprise!

She's such a popular girl

Guys all hanging off her arms

Friends booking her for celebrations for daysss

Hahah

But its not her fault she's so hot and sexy! =P

Especially in the HOT PINK TANK TOP

I didn't say that

I just quoted it off someone! Teehee (:

PICCIES!

There's like actually only three

One's on pau's blog so everyone can see

And her day is the same as ours

So my post is actually useless if you people out there are reading

Popular pau's blog

So this is one of the other two!

Hahah

Okay I'm tired

Gotta go sleeeeep

And I want crab ):

♥words from deep within

♥ Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Here I shall start my weight loss plan
Firstly
EAT LESS
Secondly
DON'T TOUCH CHOCOLATES OR FATTY FOOD
Thirdly
GO FOR EVERY SWIMMING LESSON AND JOG WITH BAMBI
Lastly
DRINK WATER WHEN HUNGRY
Okay that should work

This decision came after a conclusion that I am hideously overweight
GAH
At least 4 people said I was fat today
And one even said my face is ROUND! T_T
You know who you are
-bawls-
I need to lose weight
If I don't get to 42kg by the end of this month
I'm not Mandy
Do not attempt to distract me from this diet
Or face an immediate tearful breakdown
Sighhh

♥words from deep within

♥ Tuesday, June 3, 2008

When tomorrow arrives
It will signal that HALF of my june holidays are like OVER
O.M.G.
Even that is an understatement
And what have I done?
Studied like 1/32o87432 of the time?
But do I regret it?
NO
Because I HATEEE studying
Jeez
I haven't touched bio and math and econs
WHAT DO I DOOO?
Chem is like the only thing I've been studying
IF you call like flipping through the notes randomly once studying
=/
I still have periodicity to do though
BUGGERRR
I shall attempt to start on bio
SLOWLY and STEADILY
If I do about 5 chapters a day
I can finish it in 6 days!
Come on mandyyy
Then math, is like another issue
Which ain't very major luckily (:
Just memorize the silly formulas and practice
Let me give myself err 3 days to do maths
Econs is a total headache.
Full stop.
Erm another 3 days to memorise?
YUCK.
Now I shall attempt compressing all that disgusting information
Into my puny lipid filled skull
HOPEFULLY it doesn't get lost in the lard...

Enough of that
I'm done complaining XD
Watched tons of movies this month
What happened in vegas
Made of honor
OR going to watch I mean
Accuracy of death
Narnia
And many many more I haven't deigned to write down
Because they haven't made that much of an impression yet

-breaks down-
When will I bring myself to study?

♥words from deep within

♥ Sunday, June 1, 2008

Here's finishing what I couldn't yesterday
But nobody BOTHERS to read this blog
Or anything
So nevermind
Besides I want to keep it small and under wraps
Lol
My life isn't exactly fun anyway

Some random things:
1) I miss dancing
I know I ain't very good at it
But I liked it
Just moving to the rhythm of the music
Feeling it inside you
Every emotion, every expression
Ah well.

2) I still haven't watched Troy.
And a whole truckload of movies that I want to this holiday
But essentially
We A level students haven't really got the time?
BECAUSE we are supposed to mug our guts out
-_-
Doesn't make sense how we bank our lives
On a stupid stack of paper

3) The whole pile of notes on the floor I have to file
Turns me off
Hahaha
Maybe I should've consistently filed work
And not wait till like err
One and a half months later to sort out that hideous pile

4) So many june baby birthdays
And I still need to get a present for my daddy
(no matter how @$*#()@#! he is, he's still blood related ): )
And I'm completely broke
I owe ten thousand people money
And I'm broke to the extent of borrowing more
To pay off other loans?
AHHHHH
I need my job
PLEASE, call me...
I'm willing to sacrifice a stupid 8 hours a day
For my 80 bucks!
Instead of studying (:
SOOOO CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

5) And I wanna go shopping!
Ahha, stupid idea though
Because lookie how much debt I'm in...

There are times when you feel all alone
And this is one of the times
That I'm feeling sooo isolated again
I kind of miss school
Because at least I know
Even though everyday is jam-packed with tutorials and lectures
And nights are for completing whatever tutorials and assignments
We have to rush out for the next day
At least I'm having fun
Err sleeping through lectures and talking crap with svps at breaks
And knowing that at the end of all these days
There's no stupid thing such as BLOCK TESTS
So everyday is pretty much relaxed?
I can't imagine how our new timetable is going to be like
It better not be lessons until 7 everyday
Or I'm going to quit school!
As if we're even given such a choice though... -_-
I'm like a dead fish, flopping through the rest of my days
Gasping for air
Hoping for a huge cold splash of water
To wake me up to reality
When I know I'll face that scary wall of jellyfishes
Where I have to bounce for my life to get through
And one little mistake
Might cause me my entire future!
(I might get to meet seaturtles though)

...I wanna scuba dive ):

♥words from deep within