This is soooo going to contaminate my blog
And ruin everybody's impression of me
BUT seriously
I can't take it anymore
So please, for the sake of the only sane person in my house right now
Pardon the crude language
And the uncivilised behaviour
But this is the ONLY time
I mean, you'll never hear it from me in person...
Here goes

FUCK OFF LA.


I have the freaking liberty to do what I want
So shut your trap
And shove your amazingly imbecilic self
Down a stinking rubbish chute


Alright
Back to being myself
Forgive me (:
I'm calming downnn
-takes ten thousand deep breaths-
You know
No matter how angry I am
I just feel worse
It makes me feel like I pale in comparison to the world
I'm just this gloomy cloud floating around everybody everyday
With nothing to contribute
My presence just makes the world feel disgusted
BLEAAAAHHHHH
Do I really suck that bad?
Tell me TRUTHFULLY
Please
Just shoot me in the face okay
Everything bad that I do and all
Sighhh
I promise I won't blame anyone
Just really, tell me, how much I annoy you, irritate you
And just...torture you with my existence...

I don't like the feeling of being sick
The lethargy just spreading over me
Making me edgy, irritated, confused
I'm just not thinking straight
I'm sorry...
Didn't sleep at all during all the lessons today as well
If this keeps up
Its either I'm subconsciously forcing my body to stay awake
So that I can catch up on all the lessons I missed so far
Or that I'm using up all the reserve energy that I have
And just collapse one day
Again
Just like the fever...
I'm pretty sure it wasn't a virus I caught
And maybe this time
I'll just give in
I won't go see a stupid doctor and waste my money again
What's the point of healing a system meant to die long ago
There's just no rhyme or reason
I can't keep this up any longer
Maybe
Just maybe
I'll just let go
Stop clinging on to a life long overdue its expiry date...


It cuts so deep that I feel the blood before I see it
The amount of tears shed over you could water a dozen plants
But why do I feel this way...

This is so cool
HAHA
My dog and I are both sick
Sitting on the floor hugging each other
Sniffling away
But at least he doesn't have fever and I don't have diarrhoea
Can you imagine?
We'd both be fighting for the toilet =P
Cos his potty pan is in the toilet

I can't upload a picture of him cutely licking his mouth
Cos I have a different computer now
And somehow it doesn't have infrared
So I can't send a picture into the computer )):
Awww

Well I think I'd better rest now
Stressed?
I hope not...
And my uncureable mosquito bite isn't actually from a mosquito!
Haha
The doctor said it was from a sandfly
And they take months to heal
Stupid sandfly
Later I go pasir ris park hunt you down and kill you then you know

I overheard my parents having another hilarious conversation
Mom: Sorry la, I shouldn't have spent so much money
Dad: It's okay la, just don't do that again in future
Then when you need, ask for my permission first
Mom: Orh... ... ...
I want a new frying pan, a new pot, a new juicer and etc etc etc...
Dad: o_o
Nevermind, forget I said that.

Daddy's birthday is on the 25th
So we celebrated it earlier on Sunday
Lucky for that
Because we have good food to eat!
He's going to hongkong again
Means I'll be alone most of the time in the house when my mom has course
And my brother has CCA
(I still don't believe he can sing well =x)
I think we're spending too much
That's why I didn't wanna go see the doctor
It's so expensive
I'd rather risk my life than make my dad pay for something
Because its already weighing terribly on his pocket
Mandy shall eat less and cheaper food in future
Haha
No fast food anymore
So expensive
-saves money-
Think I should go sleep soon
Feeling woOoOOOooozy again XD
-ends-

I HAVEN'T BEEN BLOGGING!
Hello blog
Long time no see
How're you?
I see you're dusty
Lemme blow that off first
-phooooooo-
Alrights, now talk to me and entertain me
Life's been boring and stressful
Or maybe I'm stressing myself out since I don't really have eh
THAT much work to do
Ahh don't listen to me rant
Because it never seems to sound as interesting as vinnie's
=/
But I've been having lots of fun hanging out with friends!
Like we have absolutely nothing to do the next day kind
A moment of freedom
Out of like millions of moments of pressure and exhaustion
Haha
I'm glad that I've let all my worries fly away
Living life like I used to
Like I want to
Like a bird, so full of life and soaring through the sky
Like a dolphin, so fresh and at ease slicing through the water
Hahaha
I love the elements
The air, the earth, the water
Or simply nature itself
Because it serves to remind us what it REAL and what is not
Appreciate what it always there for you
Relish in the sensation of freedom
(:

It's difficult to keep promises
That's why I never make them if I can't keep them
And when I do make them
My lips are sealed forever
Haha
And everything is locked in my heart and mind
So don't push me!
You'll never get it out of me...
HAHA

^_^

I'll never know if I truly belong
In a world so full of complications
Disaster and pain
Just hoping for that one ray of light
To lead me on
In a complete moral dilemma
I just can't seem to sort out my thoughts
Weighed down by a multitude of problems and work

Should I just...

...let go?

Haven't had the time to blog much
Been absolutely busy lately
What with SAS concert and all
Last minute get dumped with performing for the whole second half of the concert
And Arsenal for the first half
It was the worst concert in my life
What more at the most amazing concert hall in Singapore
The Esplanade
Amplifies all our mistakes instead of the quality of the music
Sigh
And all those squeaks from the stupid B key
An utter disappointment really
Inexplicable torment
)):
I guess I'll just have to learn from that lesson
And practice really hard for the SAJC concert
So that I can present my last concert with all my hard work and effort
Flawlessly
And be extremely satisfied graduating with our last bow on stage
And take the legacy of good music with us

But at the moment
More practices
Mon Wed Fri Sat
I'm so busy busy busy
And tues we have those remedial programme thingies to help us study
And thurs I usually go down for self-prac because I have alot of catching up to do
Sighhh
In the end my whole life revolves around band and school
I've never felt such exhaustion before
Used to feel either nervous or excited when I walked on stage
Be it a simple rehearsal
And even if the hall was half empty at a concert
But the esplanade one made me feel
As though I was being pushed on
Not of my own will
To practice and play something which I don't even enjoy doing
I need to find that passion back and fast
Band practices are getting to be a bore nowadays
And I almost fell asleep at the one on wednesday
Not on purpose of course
But realisation hit me so hard
That I'm not enjoying it like I used to
I'm not pushing myself as hard or seeking perfection
Just making excuses for myself and trying to rest

It's just not the same anymore
And I want to find the past back
No matter how long it takes
How much I have to practice
I LOVE BAND!

I hope...

mandy
20
dentist-to-be!

your wishes

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