♥ Sunday, August 26, 2012
What has life become
But just an endless chase
After meaningless qualifications
And pieces of processed wood marked with endless numerals
The more zeroes the better
What a life
My life.
♥
Suddenly having massive food cravings again...
And been wanting to go to these places since forever
But where oh where will the money come from
Can't wait to graduate
But going to be a huge uphill climb
What with the long list of graduation requirements that I cannot complete
Seriously, it's really seemingly impossible ):
Eatlist:
- Brussels Sprouts
- Daniel Boulud Bistro Moderne
- Forlino
- San-sui Contemporary
- Tomo Izakaya
- Bella Pasta
- Bon Gout
- Le Cuisson
- Yakiniku Yazawa
- Saveur
♥ Saturday, November 20, 2010
And why
Amongst all those brilliant and amazing 400 or so other candidates
Did you have to pick the plain, boring and incapable me
To be in Dentistry
I am not worthy
So not worthy
Of this opportunity and the hopes that you have pinned on me
I can't do this.
♥
There's so many things I want to do with youuu!
And there'll be enough time in December (:
When you come back safe and sounds from the States
And when I end my terrible semester in uni
1) Fly beebee again :D shall we go to Hort Park?
2) Eat at Carousel and many other places (i have a VERY long list)
3) Ice skating
4) Cable Ski in Batam (IFFF i can :x)
5) Cycling and rollerblading at ECP
6) Bowling
7) Watch many many many movies~
8) Take reverse bungee :D
9) Stroll along the beach during sunset and scrawl our names over and over again in the sand...
10) Gym, swim and run cos i've been getting fat...
on a side note...
I really want to grow up to be a strong and independent woman like my mum
Its not because she isn't capable that she has no qualifications of her own
But that she wasn't given the opportunities in her time
And if she had the chance to live as a teenager in our era
Full of frivolities and indulgences
I'm sure she would've carved an amazing career and reputation for herself
And yet stay grounded and disciplined, sticking true to her virtuous beliefs
I don't understand how with such a great mother
I have become an absolute failure of a daughter
Living in a world of my own
Obsessed with satisfying my wants instead of fulfilling my responsibilities
So many of them, as a student, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a neighbour
So hopeless am I
That I have no choice but to berate myself for these faults
And try to seek ways to amend them now that I have come to the realisation that I am such a selfish fool
So I shall do this din small ways, a little step at a time
Because I have live so sheltered a life that I need to wean myself off depending on people around me all the time
It may seem like I am the strong one amongst milder or less opiniated friends
But in fact, I am so weak and utterly inept at anything
I don't want to hear these anymore
"pale and tired looking" "you define the pitiful look" "someone said you give off a needy vibe" "too cute and small" "can you speak louder"
I need a change
A break, out of the mould of these pathetic descriptions
But how...
I have a be graceful, independent, reliable, loyal, responsible and a leader
Someone who is not afraid to voice her opinions and doesn't revolve around others
But spins on her own axis
Very impossible for someone like me
Sigh
PBL is already a torture to get through when I am so dumb and soft-spoken
Life is a struggle
Always wishing it'd be easier but it'll never come true
So back to starting small...
-I shall help my mum wash ALL the dishes tomorrow and cut bambi's nails
-Study the entire day and not get distracted except if I take very tiny naps limited to 1hour in TOTAL. period. or to watch ONE episode of mary, and go swimming. So that's 3 hours slacking time in an 18 hour time frame. Oh plus meals, limited to 2 hours for 3 meals
-Everytime I tell you I'm sleeping by a certain time, I will make sure I'm tucked into bed at LEAST 5mins before said time. I'm sorry for all the disappointments.
-Help little bro with homework and never shout at him no matter how terribly annoyed he makes you
-Do little things for friends to motivate them through this period! EXAMS, jiayou everyone!
-Complete every task you set out to do or promise to do, wholeheartedly and not in a slipshod way. Be committed. AND STOP GETTING DISTRACTED.
Hello to a fresh start!
♥ Sunday, May 9, 2010
I really think I should do something about my life. I'd really have to stop wishing for something I'd never have and be contented with what I do have. Imagine if I were to stay in a loft or a bungalow, attend balls in fancy dresses and expensive jewellery, carry gadgets such as iPhones and iTouches and surf the net on Macbooks, have a whole selection of Coach and Hermes bags to choose from, prance around in a pair out of many racks of Ferragamo and Nine West shoes, get chauffeured around in a Lamborghini, make purchases with one of several platinum credit cards from a range of banks, eat at restaurants helmed by Michelin starred chefs... All fantasies from a life I would never lead. I know I don't want to have this kind of extravagant, wasteful lifestyle, and sometimes I feel disgusted looking at the number of zeroes hanging off the price tags of such goods, but why oh why do I sometimes have this little longing, this small wonder, of how living such a life would feel like?
It's not that I'm not well off, I do think I'm quite satisfied where I am. But sometimes I just wish I had more. I should never compare my life to others, but how can I not? Especially when I see people flaunting their wealth in front of my eyes, each and every day, how can I not compare? I change a phone every 2 years, when my plan runs out and get the cheapest available one with adequate functions, usually $0 with contract. I get a small allowance every week, just enough to cover a $3 meal every lunch and about $15 spent on transport to and from school as well as just enough for maybe a movie on the weekend once a month? I carry one bag everywhere, literally, it's the only one I own which isn't torn to shreds from overuse, and I didn't even buy the bag, it was a birthday present. I use a laptop for schoolwork, which is about 3 years old? It's struggling, but surviving. I admit I have a weakness for buying shoes though, but don't have a pair that cost more than 60bucks... Clothes? A very limited wardrobe. No mp3. Wallet's a birthday present too. Since I was tiny, I've taken public transport all the time, everywhere the bus doesn't go, I go on foot. Looking at my life, it's pretty ordinary isn't it? Very well taken care of, no worries whatsoever. But there's so much more I wanna do, and that "so much more", needs more cash than what I have on hand. Diving lessons, vocal lessons, shopping for more clothes so people don't see me in the same thing almost every week, I want to travel, see the world, soooo many things. But I can't. I don't dare to ask my parents for more than what they give me, because giving me allowance is already too much to ask for. I'm supposed to be supporting myself...sigh. But I can't give tuition because I'm terrible at teaching and horrified by the thought of ruining an innocent child's future by giving poor advice and guidance, and I'm completely untalented in any way so I can't earn a single cent doing anything. Maybe I could get a part time job waiting at tables, but given my clumsiness, I'm sure to break something (like the cup I smashed against a sink in sec 3 -.-). Argh, wish there was something I was good at...
